i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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