yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
