lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
