My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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