so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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