What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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