i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This is the high leading the old right now
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
