dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
