and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
