This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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