I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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