who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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