if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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