Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
