what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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