I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I would fuck him just for his dog
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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