I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
