I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm like, not good at living.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
