At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
