They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
