I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
