I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Randomize
