i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
