you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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