I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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