yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
