she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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