After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
