You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
