I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
