dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
