I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
