I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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