NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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