Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
