Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
