dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
