My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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