I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Enjoy the penises
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
