yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
