i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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