I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
