K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
