you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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