i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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