Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
