What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
