My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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