I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
