So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
