I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
