Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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