If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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